More and more often …

I don’t often know why I put myself into these situations in my head ….they scare me often …I don’t know where they come from ….they just appear …the scariest are the most overwhelming ones ….I try to find them often when I lay awake at nights …searching for them inside my mind …..echoes of them mock me just so they know that I can’t find them where they hide ……what I’m most afraid of is the catalyst and what they might make me do ……I often go to this place inside my mind to hide from them …a simulation of a made up world

October a lot

Hello hello,

4 months since my last updation …haha…a lot has happened to say the most least …yep …my bro/cuz passed away …been an emotional last couple of months for my home rez of Pikangikum …yep …not sure what to think of it …maybe because there are 3k+ or more in this rez and the deaths are just becoming a statistic not in the olden days where they respected a death …but that’s  just me thinking ….my opinion ….

Yeah …as for me …depression still comes and goes …..but I try not to show it ….it’s just there ….it’s not because of people ….it’s just there ….I still don’t know why I get depressed ….being with my kids seems to help out A LOT! …..drinking …drinking is still there but it’s not as frequent like the past couple of months where I would just drink and drink and drink ….I think I would’ve lost my job or my life ….yeah …cut it down a lot…..luckily I still have my job …..my job? it gets stressful at times but that’s understandable when you deal with a lot of money ….and reports …

yep….and my kid’s mom….I love her …a lot ….that love was always there …I may be an extreme asshole at times …..haha …but love you a lot ….hope we try and make it work to the end of us …

Aftermath

Welfare Aftermath. It’s hot out.

Dog days of summer are hitting us early or does it start in July 22 and lasts a month? I think I read that somewhere during my readings……have a good day ’till then.

 

Smash smash smash

Hmmmm….spring has sprung ….Thunder storm was intense the other night ….was that last week?

Started smoking ….which is bad ….gaining weight ….which is also bad…haha…..need a hobby ….start lifting again ….I should…. …not sure what to type here ….been good….I think ….but still miserable ….jk…..been having heartburn ….and this office building always gives me static shocks when I touch anything….”don’t you know? I’m Electro ….:P ….

have a good day and week….

Been awhile

Hello Knetters! :D Happy New Year! or did to say that pass already? nevertheless Happy New Year! Been over at Facebook.

What to tell you all? ..been an “emotional” (I use that term loosely) start of the new year …what it’s almost 3 months into it. Figures from the past popping up. Mostly through FB Messenger and shit. I was kind of hoping to work things out with this one person but I think I fucked that one up (and maybe her)…I shouldn’t have when I shouldn’t have looked….haha….funny how a dream could drive me over the edge…anyway…that’s that….and what else oh yeh….got this one pop up “checking up on me” the person says….so we start to talk about stuff …saying how this person is battling depression ….didn’t want to ask why because I’m battling it myself sadly…..asked if I wanted a night cap ….bad idea I thought…haha…glad that didn’t happen …and on Friday was when shit went down on FB with this other particular person ….haha….then I think what was the cause of all this….then I thought “ALCOHOL” …haha…the catalyst is always/gotta be alcohol …say no to drinks….or at least stay off line!! …and the whole reason for this update….haha….till then Knetters….

and that eraser pic was something …a sentimental piece from long ago …funny how I still keep it….weird of me…

 

Heresy

Oct 12/16

Holy hell! It has been quite awhile since I last updated this page. Things been moving along. Not much to say. Been watching a lot of TV. Netflix. HBO. FX. where all the good shows are these days :P :D ….Job is alright almost got stressed out burned out last month. Stressing over this and that. But that smoothed itself out. Heading out again next week for a week long work shop. So it should be good. Taking time off from the hecticness of living in a rez. Don’t want to get too rezzed out…haha…jk. First real snow fall this afternoon…it was really falling. Oh yeah…school kids moved into the new school finally. School looks awesome. yeah…that be all. ‘Till next time. Not sure if anyone reads or checks out Knet anymore. Laters and stay safe.

Starting 2016 with a clear head

Hello hello hello….been a couple of months since I’ve been here. What’s to say? hmmm…not a whole lot of news to tell ya. 2015 was somewhat of a shitty year. I drank the whole 2015 away I think or it would seem like it….emotionally I was a wreck….bouts of depression here and there….hoping to change all that this year….2016 …cut down on the drinking or just fucking quit it all together….concentrate on my well being and others that matter to me the most…yeah…

Anway….still fiddling around with Linux ….moving to Red Hat … Fedora 23 which is Red Hat based….I think…haha…still new to me……installed it last night on a very slow laptop….I haven’t really messed around with it …it was still updating when I left for work…yay for our “awesome” fibre optic line…haha….jk…..went the Red Hat route mainly because I couldn’t get my main Linux Distro to install on my Laptop…which was strange….think it was a video card issue …but I have a whole bunch of Distros and Fedora worked right out of the “box” …..So, I am reading about Fedora whilst I am sitting here at work….caught up with work!! :D …..is my excuse for reading up on the Fedora material….anyway…I love Linux ….keeps me busy…

Fake

This world looks so fake today as I look out the window ….been feeling that a lot lately ….not really sure what it means….

anyway ….. going to try and clean up my act and stay sober as long as I can ….things been getting pretty crazy to say the least ….haha… just got out of a 1 1/2 binge …..it’s going to be tough being a depressed fool ….wish I could just go away for a bit and relax …..maybe the outdoors or somewhere far away from this shit place ….

Order some parts for my next computer build going with an AMD processor this time around ….make a cheap build and hopefully sell it and make a reasonable profit out it ….hope it won’t take me 4months to build it haha….was slacking on my last build…

shoeless again…..sun is out….and it’s already heating up….I see rain is in the forecast though….’till then…

……4 months later.

Hello hello hello…..

It has certainly been awhile since I last checked up in here ….but there isn’t much to say ….hmmm….been reading a lot …stuff about this and that….some stuff that pique my interests….learning a whole lot I should say…..been jobless for 1 1/2months now….but glad my EI worked out this time around…..should be good for 7 months….but that’ll go by fast…..been drinking a whole lot….helps with my insomnia I should say….but maybe bad for my overall health….liver probably don’t like it a whole lot….but it keeps me from going insane…..still no sign of my wallet anywhere….lol…been i.d.”less” for a good 6months now….caamaan someone should know where it is….ahhahaha ……finally finished my project….a custom built computer…..and I must say….I am very proud of it….lol….overclocked the cpu to 4.5 …with 16GB of RAM and 3TB of storage….plus an air cooler that makes the computer chill….plus some “hacker’ish” stuff….wanted to install Linux on it….but maybe…maybe that’ll be my next build….want to make an AMD build next time……a powerful Linux machine…..anyway….still alive and well….till then….knetters….LLAP…haha…